Reflection on John 8: “Jesus answered them, Verily, verily, I say unto you, whosoever commits sin is the servant of sin. And the servant abideth not in the house forever: but the Son abideth ever. If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed.”
This is the crux. This is the crossroads at the potential beginning of pilgrimage. Without sin, redemption is nonsensical. Without redemption, slavery to sin is inevitable. But I can be deceptively simple-minded, “forgetting” the truth of my own sinfulness, delighting in my own inconstancy. How often have I laughed at my “Gemini nature”, my charming unpredictability, willfully avoiding my darker labels: inconstancy, infidelity, disloyalty, irresponsibility, indifference, insensitivity, negligence — unto the point of abuse and cruelty. My “carefree” attitude has done much harm to others and to myself, but has also insulated me from the realities of that harm. Or, when I did see it, I have seen it as a thing of the past, or as an understandable and hence forgivable consequence of the misfortunes of my childhood. No responsibility and no ownership of the person I was and still am! And hence no need for redemption!
My capacity for self-deception is amazing!
I feel that my first steps on the pilgrimage to God need to be those that bring me face to face, unrelentingly, with my own sinfulness, as well as my own inadequacy at dealing with that legacy and its possible continuation.
This will be my Lent, and it must start early.