I am a Sinner

I am a sinner.  Right now, I’m not referring to the general fact of Original Sin applicable to every human being.  No, this is personal.  But it’s also not some incidental feature of my complex life, redeemed perhaps by other features more noble or virtuous.  It is an indelible thread that lies at the core of my story.

Behind it all, underlying it all, has been my failure to pursue or remain faithful to my God, the source and meaning of all that might be called my self and the purpose of my life, repeatedly ignoring or even knowingly turning away from the Holy Spirit. 

I must not deceive myself — every line I’ve written here today can be clearly and copiously documented with specific concrete facts from my life.  There’s not a single exaggerated statement here.  My life can truly be summarized as a catalogue of sins.  Anything else that might occur to me as some sort of mitigating fact can only serve as distraction from the core truth that I am a sinner.

That’s my case, dear God.  So what does that earn me?  Nothing.  I deserve nothing.  I can only throw myself on your mercy.

Meanwhile: As I look back on this day, I am as pleased with it as I can be with any day of mine.  I made good progress on the first (retroactive) lessons of RCIA.  I prepared for my tutoring session and the session itself went well.  I took the long walk to Stony Point, enjoying the forest cathedral while listening to Bach’s Mass in B Minor.  I took a walk with Nick.  I was helpful with Marika.  I worked on my Noah’s Ark jigsaw puzzle.  I “sang” Lauds and Vespers, as every day.  I feel I am developing the habits of faith and look forward to sharing the path with others at St. Bridget.  Thank you, God!

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