Conversion Notes 3

“And looking upon Jesus as he walked, he saith: ‘Behold, the Lamb of God!’ And the two disciples heard him speak, and they followed Jesus.” — John 1:29-39

Dear God, bear me past the clever cynicism that has haunted me all my life, that I might be like those two disciples who had only to hear the call in order to drop everything and follow the Lamb of God.  Grant me the eyes of innocence, the tender trust, the willingness to surrender in humility.  Send your Holy Spirit to carry me past my own weakness.  Amen

It may seem that I can develop a relationship with God on my own — just me and God.  It’s roughly where my instinctive tendencies have always led — and where they have foundered.  It may well be that I have repeatedly experienced others as distractions on my spiritual journey — at best perhaps obligations to be dragged along.

And thus I begin to realize the arrogance of my tendencies, which is to confess the alienation between my habitual stance and God.  In rejecting or excluding others, I exclude the cornerstone of God’s creation, the part in His image!  And so I exclude God.  This leads me back to that one great realization that the most essential quality to approach God is humility. Humility begins where humanity begins.  Humility before God requires first of all humility before his children.

This takes me to my realization on my walk this afternoon:  my efforts to reach intimacy with God are a lonely quest.  My impetus towards Church and a contemplative community are expressions of a yearning for fellow souls on this quest.  I really can’t go it alone!  Thanks be to God for that truth.

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